Who Is Influencing Your Girl?

In today's hyperconnected world, our daughters are surrounded by voices—some we know, many we don't. Between social media feeds, YouTube algorithms, and group chat dynamics, the question isn't whether our girls are being influenced, but rather: by whom, and toward what?

The Invisible Influences

When we think about influence, we often picture the obvious culprits: that friend who seems a bit wild, the celebrity they follow obsessively, or the trending TikTok personality du jour. But influence works more subtly than we realize. It's in the carefully curated Instagram posts that whisper "you're not enough." It's in the beauty standards perpetuated by filtered selfies. It's in the unspoken rules of what makes someone "cool" or "cringe" in their social circles.

The influencers shaping our daughters' worldviews aren't always people with millions of followers. Sometimes it's the girl in PE class who seems effortlessly confident. Sometimes it's a character in their favorite show. Sometimes it's us—their mothers—in ways both intentional and accidental.

The Power of Positive Influence

Here's the empowering truth: influence isn't inherently negative. In fact, positive influences are essential for growth. The right mentor, friend, or role model can inspire our girls to dream bigger, stand stronger, and become more authentically themselves. The coach who believes in them. The teacher who sees their potential. The aunt who models healthy boundaries. These voices matter enormously.

The goal isn't to eliminate all outside influence—that's neither possible nor desirable. Instead, we want to help our girls become discerning consumers of influence, capable of recognizing which voices deserve space in their heads and hearts.

Starting the Conversation

So how do we approach this with our daughters? Not with interrogation, but with curiosity. Try asking:

"Who do you really admire right now? What is it about them that resonates with you?"

"When you're scrolling through social media, how does it make you feel afterward?"

"If you could have coffee with anyone—real or fictional—who would it be, and what would you ask them?"

These open-ended questions create space for genuine dialogue. They help us understand who's capturing our daughters' attention and why. And they signal that we're interested in their inner world without being invasive.

Becoming Intentional Influencers

Perhaps the most important question isn't just who is influencing our girls, but who we're being in their lives. Are we modeling the self-compassion we want them to have? Are we demonstrating healthy relationships, strong boundaries, and authentic self-expression? Are we showing them what it looks like to navigate failure, uncertainty, and growth with grace?

Our daughters are watching us—how we talk about our bodies, how we handle disappointment, how we treat others, how we spend our time. We are influential whether we're trying to be or not.

Building Their Inner Compass

Ultimately, the best protection against negative influence is helping our girls develop a strong inner compass. When they know their values, trust their instincts, and have a solid sense of self, external voices lose their power to derail them. They can appreciate someone's style without abandoning their own. They can admire someone's confidence without feeling diminished by comparison.

This holiday season, as we gather with family and reflect on the year, let's also reflect on the influences in our daughters' lives. Not with fear or control, but with awareness and intention. Because when we help our girls recognize who's influencing them, we're also empowering them to choose the voices that will help them become who they're meant to be.

The conversation about influence starts with us. Let's make it a good one.