Holiday Schedules = Dysregulated Kids: How to Keep Girls Grounded

She's snapping at her sister over nothing. She's tearful one moment and bouncing off the walls the next. She can't seem to settle down for bed, and when she finally does sleep, she's up at dawn demanding to know what's happening today. If your daughter seems like a completely different person during the holidays, you're not imagining it—and you're definitely not alone.

The holidays are wonderful, but they're also deeply dysregulating for kids. Late nights, sugar-loaded treats, disrupted routines, overstimulation, travel, house guests, and a constant state of anticipation create the perfect storm for emotional overwhelm. Our girls aren't being difficult on purpose. Their nervous systems are genuinely struggling to cope with all the change.

Why Holiday Chaos Hits Girls Hard

Girls, especially sensitive or anxious ones, often thrive on predictability. They regulate themselves through routine—knowing when meals happen, when bedtime is, what to expect from their day. When that structure disappears, even for joyful reasons, it can feel destabilizing.

Add to that the social dynamics of extended family gatherings (navigating cousin relationships, feeling observed by relatives, managing expectations), the sensory overload of crowded parties and bright lights, and the emotional intensity of gift-giving and receiving, and you've got a recipe for dysregulation.

The tricky part? From the outside, dysregulation can look like "bad behavior." But what we're actually seeing is a nervous system in overdrive, a child who's lost access to her coping skills because she's simply too overwhelmed to use them.

The Foundation: Keep the Anchors

You can't maintain every routine during the holidays—nor should you try. But you can protect a few key anchors that help your daughter feel grounded:

Sleep. This is non-negotiable. Yes, there will be late nights, but they shouldn't be every night. Protect sleep as fiercely as you can. An overtired child is a dysregulated child, and no amount of holiday magic can compensate for chronic exhaustion.

Meals. Regular mealtimes with protein and vegetables (yes, even amidst the cookies and candy) keep blood sugar stable, which keeps emotions more stable. Don't skip meals just because the schedule is packed.

Downtime. Even during vacation, build in daily quiet time. This might be reading, drawing, listening to music, or simply lying on the couch. Our girls need time to decompress away from the intensity.

Creating Pockets of Calm

The holidays don't have to be an all-or-nothing proposition. You can weave moments of regulation into the chaos:

Start mornings slowly when possible. Before diving into the day's activities, create a calm beginning—a quiet breakfast, a few minutes of connection, a chance to talk about what's coming.

Use transitions intentionally. Before heading to a big gathering, spend ten minutes in the car doing deep breathing together or listening to calming music. Before bed after an exciting day, create a gentle wind-down routine.

Offer sensory regulation tools. Some girls benefit from fidget toys, weighted blankets, or noise-canceling headphones at overwhelming events. Others need physical outlets like jumping on a trampoline or going for a walk. Know what helps your daughter reset and make it available.

Permission to Say No

Here's something that might feel radical: you don't have to attend every event, accept every invitation, or participate in every tradition. If your daughter is already showing signs of overwhelm—increased meltdowns, trouble sleeping, withdrawn behavior, physical complaints—it's okay to protect her by scaling back.

Saying "We're going to stay home tonight and have a quiet evening" isn't being a Grinch. It's being responsive to your child's actual needs rather than external expectations. Your daughter's nervous system will thank you.

Watch for the Warning Signs

Dysregulation shows up differently in different girls. Some become clingy and tearful. Others grow irritable and aggressive. Some withdraw completely. Many experience all of these at different moments.

Physical signs matter too: stomachaches, headaches, trouble sleeping, changes in appetite. These aren't manipulation—they're genuine stress responses.

When you notice these signs, resist the urge to punish or lecture. Instead, increase support.

More co-regulation (your calm presence helping her calm down), more physical affection if she's receptive, more grace for big feelings.

After the Storm

Once the holidays wind down, expect a transition period. Your daughter might fall apart once she finally feels safe enough to do so. She might need extra sleep, extra patience, extra reassurance that normal life is resuming.

This is actually healthy—it means she held it together when she needed to and is now processing everything she experienced. Hold the boundaries she needs while offering the comfort she craves.

The Long View

The holidays are a marathon, not a sprint. If you're making decisions through the lens of "What will help my daughter stay regulated?" rather than "What will make the best holiday memory?" you're on the right track.

Because here's the truth: the best holiday memories come from children who felt safe, rested, and emotionally grounded enough to actually enjoy the season. A dysregulated child can't absorb the magic—she's too busy trying to survive the overwhelm.

So this year, give your daughter (and yourself) permission to prioritize regulation over perfection. Keep her grounded, protect her rhythms, and trust that a calmer holiday might just be a more meaningful one.